SPOUSE SPEAK!
There is a man somewhere in the larger picture of every mom. Well, that’s how she became a mom in the first place, isn’t it? However, the status of the man in this picture differs from woman to woman. Or, to put it better, the status of moms differ. The traditional African view is that a mom is a married woman, or was. She could also be betrothed to a man, divorced, or widowed. In exceptional cases, something tradition frowns at, she could be single, or, as the Pentecostal churches put it these days, “about to wed”.
As the French would say ‘cherchez la femme’ (‘find the woman’). While seeking the mystery woman in a story, Working Moms decided to find the men (‘cherchez l’homme’), or some of them, to give us a better picture of the challenges working mothers face and the partner’s (a more accommodating term than husband’s) attitudes to these challenges, especially as it affects the family.
We share, hereunder, the views of five men from different walks of life and social classes, on how and why they cope with the mothers of their children working outside the home environment.
“My wife is my Idol!”
KUNLE AJIBOYE
is confined to a wheel chair. He has been that way since 2002 when he returned from the Lagos University Teaching Hospital (LUTH) where he spent nine months, as a result of a ghastly motor accident along the Lagos-Ibadan expressway. Paralysed from the waist down, with both legs mangled, he lost his job, lost most of his friends, and almost lost his sanity. But for his wife, he said. Only his sharp intellect and wit remain, as well as a memory of the tragedy that shattered his life. But he prefers to down-play the accident and dwell instead on the resultant transformation of his wife from a care-free twenty six year old school teacher and mother of three, to a dedicated home-maker, prayer warrior, business activist and breadwinner, all within 12 months. Kunle tells his own story…
“I am a graduate of political science and I am 42 years old. Until my accident in 2002 I was the personnel manager in a Chinese factory at Ikeja Lagos. I had put in 12 years of service in my company before being suddenly and summarily dismissed on the accusation that I was conspiring with workers to form a strong union. While contesting my sack I decided to attend a job interview in Ibadan. Just after the Redeemed Camp, a heavy construction vehicle, a tipper, smashed my car off the road. I woke up in hospital, and my horror began. Forget that. I’m alive. But then, no limbs, no job, three kids and little prospects. My case against the Chinese firm was struck off when my lawyer’s fees dried up. My family was on the verge of starvation. My friends and immediate relations disappeared. Despair set in. Then God intervened through my own young wife. First, she mobilized her own relations to file an appeal on my case and also sue the construction firm whose truck maimed me. My wife and her two sisters took turns looking after me in hospital. She also turned into a prayer warrior overnight, even though she had never bothered about Pentecostals before, as we’re devout Catholics.
My corner and later room at LUTH practically became a fellowship ground as all kinds of pastors, prophets and church workers congregated to intercede for me. I believe that their prayers saved my life. In the meantime, my wife lost her job at the private school where she worked, but it hardly mattered. God and my wife’s family and friends sustained my family, while my wife kept on harassing my younger brother living overseas to come to my help. He eventually did and his bulk funds helped push my two cases in court. To God be the glory, I eventually won both cases two years apart and again to God’s glory, the other parties did not appeal but paid up. The financial settlement has resettled and rehabilitated my family. We bought this bungalow, my wife runs the supermarket in front, my children, now aged 8, 10 and 13 are all doing well in school. But before the big break came, my wife sold sachet water, fruits and vegetables, second-hand shoes and clothing and virtually everything to keep us afloat. I remain eternally grateful to her for being such a blessing to us.”
Emmanuel Udoka
is a legal practitioner in Festac Town. He has been married for a couple of years and says it’s been challenging and interesting, especially to have a working wife. We had to create a balance and make it convenient for each other. My wife is a teacher. Sometimes I have to sacrifice my time in the mornings to take my kids to school before I go to work. Sometimes, I help out in household chores. It’s all about understanding, tolerance and cooperation. Having a working wife is not much of a problem if you create a balance. I think that is the A – Z of it all.
